I love my parents. And I’m also really happy right now.
Some fears don’t fade. They lurk in the back of your mind, waiting, waiting to attack.
Some demons don’t die.
I acknowledge them some times, and in moments of weakness, dare to peer down their ugly throats. I dare to touch them, to talk to them.
I wipe my tears with a towel.
Some questions don’t have answers. I don’t know whether I want to find the answers.
I don’t know if I want to fix what is broken.
Sometimes, I can feel a weight on my chest, and I breathe slower, deeper, to allow the oxygen go to my brain. To loosen my lungs.
Sometimes, situations arise.
And I can feel my fragile mind crumbling under pressure, not sure what to do.
Can I die? Can I run? Can I avoid?
I can’t think those days.
The problems circling in my head. Or am I circling around those problems?
I don’t know what to confront. What to avoid.
And then I tell myself, not today.
Today, I won’t try to find answers.
Today, I will leave what’s broken as broken.
Today, I won’t look at the demons.
Today, I will do what I must do. The boring, the mundane.
Today, I will laugh more. Today I will enjoy my peace.
I do not know when those demons will attack, when those questions will demand answers, when my mind will start crumbling.
But not today.