Not today

Some fears don’t fade. They lurk in the back of your mind, waiting, waiting to attack.

Some demons don’t die.

I acknowledge them some times, and in moments of weakness, dare to peer down their ugly throats. I dare to touch them, to talk to them.

I wipe my tears with a towel.

Some questions don’t have answers. I don’t know whether I want to find the answers.

I don’t know if I want to fix what is broken.

Sometimes, I can feel a weight on my chest, and I breathe slower, deeper, to allow the oxygen go to my brain. To loosen my lungs.

Sometimes, situations arise.

And I can feel my fragile mind crumbling under pressure, not sure what to do.

Can I die? Can I run? Can I avoid?

I can’t think those days.

The problems circling in my head. Or am I circling around those problems?

I don’t know what to confront. What to avoid.

And then I tell myself, not today.

Today, I won’t try to find answers.

Today, I will leave what’s broken as broken.

Today, I won’t look at the demons.

Today, I will do what I must do. The boring, the mundane.

Today, I will laugh more. Today I will enjoy my peace.

I do not know when those demons will attack, when those questions will demand answers, when my mind will start crumbling.

But not today.

Not today.

Not today.