I love my parents. And I’m also really happy right now.


Not today

Some fears don’t fade. They lurk in the back of your mind, waiting, waiting to attack.

Some demons don’t die.

I acknowledge them some times, and in moments of weakness, dare to peer down their ugly throats. I dare to touch them, to talk to them.

I wipe my tears with a towel.

Some questions don’t have answers. I don’t know whether I want to find the answers.

I don’t know if I want to fix what is broken.

Sometimes, I can feel a weight on my chest, and I breathe slower, deeper, to allow the oxygen go to my brain. To loosen my lungs.

Sometimes, situations arise.

And I can feel my fragile mind crumbling under pressure, not sure what to do.

Can I die? Can I run? Can I avoid?

I can’t think those days.

The problems circling in my head. Or am I circling around those problems?

I don’t know what to confront. What to avoid.

And then I tell myself, not today.

Today, I won’t try to find answers.

Today, I will leave what’s broken as broken.

Today, I won’t look at the demons.

Today, I will do what I must do. The boring, the mundane.

Today, I will laugh more. Today I will enjoy my peace.

I do not know when those demons will attack, when those questions will demand answers, when my mind will start crumbling.

But not today.

Not today.

Not today.